divorce: the d-word, by AC
This article was written for yooou! by 18-year-old, AC.
Divorce. A separation of two parties in a registered relationship. The d-word. There are a lot of things that could be said about this, but I think we can all agree that it really sucks. Even if it is for the best, it can still have tremendous impact on your life. Now I am writing a piece about this particular subject because I am an expert in this area, and therefore I am here to share my wisdom with you. So if you are struggling with your parents divorce, here are a few steps to (hopefully) start the healing process for you. Afterall, in a world in which everything is uncertain, a small guide never hurt anyone…right?
Step One: cry your gorgeous eyeballs out. It might sound very contradictory to my goal seeing as I am here to spread happiness and peace, but it really does help. You are allowed to feel weak, honestly. It is okay not to be okay at first, so take your time to grieve. Throw a few pillows at the wall, punch your teddy bear in his stupid happy face or simply go for a walk. Remember to let your emotions out, don’t push them all back in.
Step Two: talk. Sounds basic, I know. But honestly is the most important one if you ask me. There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, even when you feel all alone. Talk to your friends, teachers, other family members or maybe even your pet. Obviously it is okay if you don’t want to at first, but for your own sake please try to do it as soon as you feel like you are ready. Talking is like finally being able to breathe after feeling so suffocated.
Tip: talk to others with divorced parents. You are not the only one, but sometimes you can only realise that if you have actually spoken to somebody else who has gone through the same thing.
Step Three: go to a psychologist. There is something about psychologists which can help keep those storm clouds in your head at ease. I know that people whom you trust can feel like the easier option, but what they can’t offer you is absolute objectivity. An ear to your problems that isn’t biased. A true clean slate, which is nice to have when you want to move on.
Oh, and if you don’t feel comfortable with the first therapist you see, simply look for another one. There is someone out there, believe me 😊.
Step Four: be honest with your parents about how you feel. If you really want to move on without having any regrets, then this step is a crucial one.
Step Five: pick your life back up. Go out with friends, read a book, find a new hobby, work on school, etc. Don’t stay stuck in the past, look towards the future. And a tip if you are struggling to look at the bright sides of things, maybe make a list of nice things that happened during the day, or things you’re grateful for. If you do this for a couple of days/weeks, you’ll see that it becomes easier to look at the good sides of life. You could also make a bucket list if you are a person that needs to have goals.
Step Six: try to accept and adapt. This is the last step for this list and the most important one for personal growth. Life will have changed now, and that is hard. But the longer you fight it, the more difficult it will become. Yes you will probably have trust issues and start doubting love, yes trying to balance life with two separate parents can be really annoying and yes the feeling of responsibility will never truly fade away. But that is life, it does not go as planned and it can be very unfair sometimes. The best you can do is accept that fact and focus on the things you can control.
You got this.